i
wish i could live off a
pill. i
hate making decisions about
eating. just 1200 perfectly balanced
calories in a gel-tab. reserve real
food for special occasions. the occasional
steak-and-
asparagus-a-la-craig.
is this
weird? when i think about it, it doesn't seem so
odd. i am terribly
indecisive and this is just a
facet of that. how much and what are just right for
healthy living? is this node a sign of an
obsession?
i am so
angry. some ultra-
trendy people i know are fasting. they're waving the golden fleece just out of my reach. in the past six years that my family has known about my freakish problems with food, i've had the message pounded into my head that it's bad bad bad. i know what my hipster friends would say about it. it's not bad unless taken to an
extreme. but i consider his goal of a one month fast to be pretty extreme. i have a strange
desire to physically
hurt him in some way, though i don't really understand why. i don't know if i'm
angry that he supplied the
devil on my shoulder saying "do it" to counter the
angel saying "don't" or if i'm
jealous of him.
i saw in the
new nodes nodelet something along the lines of
would you know if you were insane?, but i've not read it because i don't know the
answer and am a bit hesitant to read anyone elses theories on it. i don't want to know.
in the
morning i'll probably feel retarded that i wrote this; so quickly my
moods change. i'm going to go try to
sleep this off.