Obsessive compulsive disorder (
OCD) can be extremely
potent when
combined with
bipolar disorder,
depression, and/or
anxiety problems. Unfortunately these issues frequently
combine in a
toxic stew that's a
mess to get out of.
Recently I've had great difficulty getting out of panic attacks and strong bipolar
cycles. This time, I have few
luxuries. My obsessions have gone from less to more life disabling, and I'm at a loss to
curb my thoughts.
deek2000 has it
on target when he/she
advocates cognitive therapy. Everyone from the
shrink to my (few) friends tell me to keep attacking whatever's bothering me by trying the activity repeatedly. Meanwhile, I am told to realize the
irrationality of the
infinite (negative) possiblities I've
spun. Sometimes
cognitive therapy can be
overridden with severe obsessive thoughts to the point where thoughts
suffocate the
mind. In order to
drive a car I've adapted some cogntive skills, but there are days when I
need to drive (like
everyday) but can't start the car.
What to do?
I find looking through the problem helpful. Many people
including me find driving
traumatic out of fear of hitting a
person (especially a
child),
pet, or
car. In my case I have a great fear of accidentally harming someone backing out of a
parking space. I find it
calming to remember that if indeed I do hit something, I will know it; therefore, I need focus only on avoiding the situations and not sounds coming from the
immediate area. Anyone who has been in an
accident knows the
crunching, "
thud"
sound of
metal hitting metal. I could circle the
parking lot over and over, looking for two vacant parking spaces, or park way off somewhere at the end of the lot. Instead, I try to recognize that people tend to
congregate near the
doors of a
store.
I don't stick around the
fire lanes or the doors of the
strip mall, and maybe
park a few rows back. Yeah, it's still OCD but at least I'm out of the
house and establishing a
comfort level for later
attempts. My
driving is the last
barrier between a
functional life and
agoraphobia.
I still have some problems with
reflection on past events, such as "What I did
yesterday might have some
deleterious effect on today." I'm still
struggling mightily with this. A few days ago I was totally
zoned out while driving. It was
Easter/
Passover weekend, so the
roads were
jammed. Yep, I missed a
SUV by a few feet, making a
left turn (in the
US) totally disregarding oncoming
traffic. I have not driven since then because of the thought that the past
performance of a near accident might indicate future events. I am still convinced that the best way to get over this thinking is to continue the action while trying to recognize the
falsity of my
illusion. Yet, it's difficult to practice self-cognitive therapy
hurling down some
suburban street. Since I can't live with Mom and Dad all my life, I better start recognizing that
I'm still a competent driver, I just have to check the traffic lights carefully.
At least
today I'm not concerned that my
toes are going to fall off because they're a bit
cold.
I am waiting for another "thud" to happen, even when sitting in my
bedroom.
As always, see a doctor or accredited professional before taking any layman's advice. It's always a good idea to talk concepts over with competent counselors. Yes, even compulsive concerning
disclaimers.