This is a note that appeared in my homenode, to explain a recent, lengthy absence and a general malaise. Placed here retroactively, simply for the sake of posterity and safe-keeping...
Everybody: "So, what have you been up to lately?"
Me: "Oh, nothing..."
It's been over a month since I've noded a damned thing. Oh, the timestamp
in "last seen" may be some more recent number, but it's mostly a lie.
Sometimes, I wander in, run my hands through the nodes, listen to catbox
conversations that I missed most of and have no real hope of following.
It's like I've become that field mouse of Pound's, passing
through life barely touching the grass.
A month ago my life went through a graceful meltdown, and February has had
the feeling of dust slowly settling. The details are too innane and
complicated to make for much reading. Suffice to say, I lost interest in
things. And being without ambition, interest is the only thing that makes
my world turn.
I'm bored out of my mind. Sometimes I sit down to write; I hit the keys
for awhile, punch out words and string them together. I'm writing about
the Landsknecht, something that supposedly fascinated me, but anything
I put down reads like a term paper.
E2 is a place I've wanted to be a part of since before I even knew it existed.
But as much as I love it here, noding is a poor substitute for living.
The trouble is that I feel like I'm out and drifting between things.
And the trouble with being in between is that sometimes both shores look
equally drab, and one star looks about like any other.
Though you may not care, I wanted to write you this note, E2. Perhaps
no one will read it. Our family can be a cold place sometimes when folks
fall out of the loop.
But I just wanted to let you know that I'll need some time now to get my
bearings, and that's why I'm not really around. Maybe I'll be back before
you even knew I was gone...
- RP
02/23/02