Philip Stench had just been officially declared the richest man in the
world.
Philip Stench was a
Rhodesian born founder and entrepreneur. He had just successfully
convinced the President of the United States of America into paying
him a trillion dollars by telling them that his scientists and
astrophysicist had located a planet made of pure KetaMine™ worth
approximately one quadrillion dollars. He told them that he really
needed the trillion dollars to develop a space program to retrieve
and extract the exoplanet sized asteroid, supplying the United States with enough KetaMine™ to crop dust the entire planet and achieve world
peace after plunging the swarthy hordes of chinks, russkyies,
gooks, a-rabs, and all new-caught sullen peoples, half devil and half
child, into a worldwide time-out naptime K-hole™. It really was the
more humane option as the others were a) killing them all by bombing
b) killing around 20% of them and throwing a random fucking piece of bread
at the survivors like they were pigeons at a park.
He wasn’t racist
though. As a matter of fact, his best friend in the world was a real
black rapper named AmbiYance. Philip once visited AmbiYance’s crib
and brought him a gift in the form of his prototyped rocketBoots®. The
rocketBoots® were Philip Stench’s latest creation. He just whipped
them up yesterday. They kind of looked like the shoes in The Super
Mario Brothers movie crossed with Rick Owens. They were equipped with
like a million pistons so that when you were fucking they would
spring into action and your backstroke would leave her head spinning
like The Exorcist. He brought them to AmbiYance so that he could test
them out on a random Viennese supermodel to see if they worked.
AmbiYance had a whole closet full of them.
He deduced that his
rocketBoots® were successful AmbiYance could win back his ex-wife Kim
Cardassian. Kim Cardassian was a succubus whose snatch had left
AmbiYance in the sunken place. Her identical sister Khloe’s pussy
had made a prominent young NBA player with a promising future start
smoking crack in the bathroom with all the homeless people. The
homeless people had a lot of fun but it was sad to see a young man
with so much talent and promise throw his life away like that.
These creatures, the
Cardassians, prowled the Calabasas looking for young rappers and
basketball players who they heard were living as a bachelor, after he
let those harpies in his house they would put the pussy on them and
take they souls. They would apply Auntie Angel’s grapefruit
technique and make them do the Jordan like Alvin and the Chipmunks.
AmbiYance’s new
crib was a ranch in Montana. When he moved there it had instantly
become the only state where the median black wealth above the poverty
line. He still couldn’t see his kids. Philip Stench was impressed
with AmbiYance’s achievements for the black community. All Phil had
ever done for the black community was make the air in a black
neighbourhood smell like plastic trying to make a robot that was
racist. This wasn’t much of an achievement or flex because all you
had to really do was give ChatLGBT a prompt with the words
“phenotypes” or “haplogroups”. Philip throught it was time to
give back to the black community by giving AmbiYance some rocketBoots® so he could fuck Kim again and create a Black life.
Philip Stench also
had kids he hadn’t seen yet either. His latest Son, name Joe Rogan Alex Jones, was bioengineered with whale, dolphin, octopus and
gorilla DNA. An Asian scientist had baked it into Stench’s
Blast-A-Nut semen enhancer supplement. The shit was hawked on
‘patriotic’ Serious XM talk radio podcast like every fucking day
alongside Viagara, certified antiwoke coffee picked by real African
child slaves, Wharton courses that would teach you precisely how not
to jerk off, and lastly but certainly not leastly: The School Of
Athens. It was a course streaming platform dedicated to trigging the libtards
and also saving western civilization. It featured the world’s
greatest and most famous philosopher Jordeon Petersen debating “Fap
vs. NoFap.”.
The bioengineering
and genetic manipulation of Phil’s son was actually foretold in an
AmbiYance feature with some skeletal temptress where he said imma let
you finish and then/imma disrobe you and then/imma probe you.
Stench had done some really really weird rich people shit where he
had his sperm implanted into another dude’s sack. In this case in
was AmbiYance. He had secretly implanted his semen into AmbiYance’s
baals and then proceded to let AmbiYance fuck his intern (who was NOT
his wife). So really, who was the cuckold in that situation?
On the subject of
fucking, Stench discussed the rocketBoots® with AmbiYance while they
munched on a medicated pizza.
“It’s like,
when you’re piping her shit and come up with a new beat.”
“yeah.”
“It’s like,
women can’t decide - if they want to abuseth their dogs with the
peanut butter snatch or the vibrating dildo. They can’t decide if
they want danger or safety. That’s why the rocketBoots® are really
great. It’s like both of those at once.”
“Yeah.”
“Wanna do some
KetaMine™?”
“YEAH, hahaha.”
Philip busted out
the blind box and tore into it, revealing a small statue of Goku made
of pure crystal clear KetaMine™. He took off a piece of Goku’s hair
and crushed it up with the butt of his Mateba revolver. Then he whipped out a
freshly minted trillion dollar bill with a picture of Curtis Lemay
next to Bill Clinton, who had just died, on it.
They both sniffed
it off the back of AmbiYance’s new sat phone. It was custom made
with an exclusive oldschool vintage lightning cable (instead of a
Type C like a children’s Toy or drill).
Philip was taken
away to the long dark night of the soul. Texture like sun. He
ventured into the spirit world. He beheld The Prophet’s son-in-law,
Jesus’ mom, and Guanyin all weeping tears for the suffering earth.
He got to experience what it was like to not be Autistic for a sec.
He saw Pan Kyu as The Gobbledy Gooker hatch from the cosmic egg
after Yowzer fucked it right after the battle in Thomas Carlyle’s
Epic Fantasy Sartor Resartus. He was no longer composed of
organs without a body but was truly a body without organs. He was a
preserved specimen floating in the Hull of the Bastille that
contained the last remnants of humanity. Its passengers, slumbering
peacefully in their vats of cryonic fluid are as unaware as they
drift towards the nearest potentially habitable exoplanet a few
millenia away. but is the bastille ark or hulk? Are these the best
and brightest of the species, Exiles banished for some reprehensible
crime, or just guinea pigs of a forgotten experiment? Bloodthirsty
colonists seeking to impregnate virgin soil with their... alien
albumen? Flying mother nature's silver seed to a new home in the sun.
Like, comment, and subscribe to find out on the next thrilling
installment of Dragonba...
Philip jerked as he
awoke floating in a vat of liquid KetaMine™ and enzymes and shit. He
beheld the ghost or hologram of Cal Stevens, inventor of KetaMine™ walk up to him and look him in the eyes.
“Hello Philip”
To his
astonishment, Cal Stevens was black. Not black black but, like Karl
Marx black, black enough to get an N-Word pass at the school
cafeteria for 10 dollars instead of 20.
“This isn’t
actually happening, Philip. You will never achieve space travel.
Whitey is never going back to the moon.
“What the fuck?
Why not.”
“Because you,
Philip Stench are a raging drug addict. You don’t just have problem
with substance use and you aren’t just a substance abuser, you are
actually a fucking filthy drug addict. You’re at
AmbiYance’s crib in Montana and he’s wondering what the fuck is
wrong with you because KetaMine™ doesn’t affect black people like it
does whites. We learned that shit after field testing it in Vietnam.
Charlie blew half the fucking guy’s spine off and after we put him
back together he was going back to San Francisco to find him some lil
hippie chick to string some beads with and fuck like a man. The black
guy just stepped on a toe popper and we gave it him and he was like
‘what tf is this’ and he ended up staying hooking up with a real
dynamite slope broad in Democratic Kampuchea and moving in with her
even after we made those Rambo movies for him. She could cook a mean
swamp rat stew. People would put those stupid fucking flags out on
their lawn begging him to come home and he would be all like nah I’m
good as he climbed out of a lagoon, with his CGI BBC swinging in the
breeze as he sipped a drink from half a human skull topped with a
little pink umbrella.”
Philip’s mind was
racing, his desperate eyes were darting around the room and Cal could
see it. It took all the resilience stat in his code to stop him from
laughing his ass off.
“My god. You
can’t stop playing with your nose and going founder mode long
enough to finish a thought. You might have achieved it if that
McGillionaire succubus hadn’t lured you in close with her Bermuda
Triangle. She might not have been the heiress you wanted but were it
not for imagination a man would be as happy in the arms of a duchess
as a milkmaid. In for a penny in for a pound. All broads are alike if
you stand them on their head as the old saying goes.”
Calvin paused and
chuckled.
“It truly is
poetic, Philip, how you, a mighty great white man, have been laid low
by the very women and minorities you hate so much.”
Calvin smiled.
“Have you ever
seen the Movie Gone With The Wind, Philip?”
Philip nodded and
air bubbled out of his mouth.
“The character of
Mammy is often derided as nothing more than a cheap stereotype, as we
are all no doubt aware. But the creators of the show didn’t even
want to give the Klan a shoutout. The problem lies in the subtle
irony with which the enslaved characters are portrayed. When Pork
tells Miss Scarlet that they only have ten dollars left, you cannot
miss the implication how now that the war is over they maybe should
use it to I-don’t-know fucking pay him. Also notice how
Mammy, instructs Rhett to teach Bonnie to sit saddleside like a lady,
a development that ultimately lead to her untimely demise. Mammy, who
had her entire life taken from her by the O’Haras, spending her
entire life raising their children, and now the entire O’Hara line
was extinguished out by her curse, her revenge if you will. You’ve
corrupted the human bloodline with animal DNA. We have decided to
revoke your Canadian citizenship.
Stench screamed
inside the glass. Cal tapped on the glass with his pen.
“No! NEVER!”
screamed Stench. “I’ll fucking make it happen I swear. If I have
to fill the hull with gooners and power it to the prow with orgone.
Imma call AmbiYance! I’ll call fucking Andrew Yang! As God is my
witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going
to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be sober
again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or
kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be sober again! I’ll build
myself that IV juicer injection rig and I’ll never have to
experience reality for a single second. ”