I am dealing with what I have come to realize is a bit of an epiphany.
So I’ve been going out to bars/restaurants with people and having water while they eat/drink. I’ve been sitting with people at office having lunch. Half-facetiously, I’ve been asking to borrow their food and booze to take a deep sniff of it to ‘practice’, to steel myself for doing this.
I’ve realized something fucking mindboggling.
In the entirety of my memory, maybe my entire life, I have never, ever, not once, not been hungry.
I say this because I’m not hungry now, and it’s something I’ve never before experienced.
When you’re hungry and you smell food, there’s that instant hindbrain connection that starts you salivating, makes it smell amaaaaazing, etc. etc. I had assumed this always, always, always happened, and always at full intensity.
The only times I’ve not eaten have always been because some countervailing but unrelated factor was stronger. Guilt.…