In
elementary school, I recieved near
Straight As (I
always got a B in
handwriting). However, come
5th grade I recieved one
C. I nearly
cried myself to sleep that night. I was very
critical when it came to my grades. Although at the time I wasn't really
aware of
it, I later realized that this was due to the
attention that I got from my
mother, and her friends, who would always smile and say I was a
perfect little boy.
When I was thrown into
middle school, I was introduced to
six week periods and
multiple classes per day. I was in the
High Strides program, which meant that all of my classes were more
challenging. I was
required to do 2 projects with a
poster board and
report every six weeks (One for
math, one for
science). I
worked very hard, but by the
third six weeks,
I snapped. I wasn't recieving the same attention from my mother and her friends anymore either, now I was accepted as a
responsible kid and only praised when I got
awards (
standards raised). For the first time in my
life, I recieved a D in a class. It was fairly
downhill from there.
Each
bad grade discouraged me more then the last, creating a
steamroller effect. I barely managed the
C average neccesary to stay in the High Strides program. I am now a Freshman in
high school. It's been a rough
transition, but I'm finally starting to adjust, despite my still
low grades. Yet, that has begun to change due to the "effort through passion transition".
My motivation when going through my earlier schools was a passion, the
love of attention.
Never, did I have my own goals or ideals. To draw an example, in the
movie Lawrence of Arabia, one Arabian leader points out the key difference between him and
Lawrence, he is
merciful out of politeness, while Lawrence is merciful out of
passion. Later in the movie,
Lawrence snaps, and
massacres an entire army, even the
women.
My previous
efforts were fueled by the happiness I recieved from others when I pleased them, but I have now made
the transition, and have
reprogrammed my brain with new logic. I will use my own desire to fuel my effort, and as a byproduct and added bonus, someday I may once again recieve a
little bit of extra fuel from attention.
Never again however, will it be my
primary resource.