And now, little children, a more realistic version of events.
Him: About bloody time... for all the hoop-jumping and feigning interest and sitting through those GODAWFUL films with Hugh Grant and blue-balled evenings holding hands, the payoff is in my sights!
Her: Hehehehehe! It looks like a frozen sausage with that rubber thing on it!
Him: Alright, here goes...
Seventy five seconds later... *wibbly lines*
Both: What a bloody let down!!!!
Source: Multiple personal accounts.