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April 14, 2020 (log)
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jessicaj
Tue Apr 14 2020 at 2:40:50
Once upon a time we were
strangers
instead of friends.
That changed as we grew to know each other. You had secrets, and
so did I. Then we had the talk. That might have been a mistake,
it feels as if I have made a lot of those. Now I am thinking back to
those parking lot conversations, the time I said that this was the
worst haircut I have ever had, and you told me that you agreed.
I still remember talking about suicide, and how you told me that I
could always reach out if there was a need. But of course I didn't,
and won't. It's just the way I'm wired I guess. I never told you this,
you didn't ask either, but before there was you, there was someone else.
And he's not like you with your beautifully organized life, he's not as tall,
he doesn't have that bald spot on the side of his head the way that you
do, and he's told me some personal things about himself that would make
a lot of people run, or judge him. He scared me; it may have looked like I
was walking down the center aisle that we crossed so many times before,
but inside, I was hiding, because I never want people to know, or to see,
the real me
. Now we are strangers again, and may never talk, text, or
see each other in person. I may never see him again either, I did something
crazy, and sent him a
card. Christmas
never comes in April, but I wanted
his kaleidoscope eyes piercing something other than my frothy bleeding heart.
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