Someone asked me on That Other Site for "a good story of crime on the Dark Web". Now I am royally sick of how every. single. question. about. The Onion Protocol is about "is it true that they have cannibalism? Can I really buy counterfeit gift cards? Can you really buy a baby?"

So I obliged....

Crime on the dark web


Well, I was hanging out on my favorite red room site, on my way to picking up some Babysnax and my monthly supply of adrenochrome when I noticed a site that didn’t seem legitimate.

It was horrible! There were pictures of children! In school! Learning!

I asked to check if this wasn’t some kind of catalogue, where you could say, pick up a few kids, and they said, this was a girls’ school in Niger.

Well, you and I know what goes on in those “girls’ schools” amiright? (Nudge, nudge, wink-wink.) So I asked, and I was calmed by the fact that these girls were learning illegally, and it was a project by the Illuminati subdivision, Order of the White Lion. At least they’re not working with the government. So I asked about their grooming.

They’re very well groomed. You can’t see it, but they’re a lot cleaner and healthier than their brothers. And they’re being taught how to defend themselves against rapists. I asked if they did photographs. And I saw some. They were very good: landscapes and still lifes mostly, since there’s a good sized Muslim contingent in the country. Some of them had gotten creative with GIMP.

They’re doing terrible things to these girls! Teaching them STEAM skills! They might not be marriageable past eleven! Totally against the local culture! They might even have only one or two children! How will we ever traffic them! Clients don't want girls who can discuss the news from the BBC!

I tell you, these people are really bringing down the whole Dark Web....


I got flagged for suggesting child pornography.

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