ATTENTION:
Position available:
CEO
We are an
internet startup company looking to hire a CEO.
Pay and
benefits will be commensurate with the
qualifications of the
candidate:
Minimum qualifications are:
Must have a
PhD or
MBA and three to five years of relevant industry experience.
If you do not meet those qualifications, we are willing to accept a candidate with double
bachelor's degree in two relevant
fields, and two to four years of
relevant industry experience.
If you do not meet those qualifications, we are willing to accept a candidate who graduated with one bachelor's degree with high academic
marks in a relevant field, and one to three years of relevant industry experience.
If you do not meet those qualifications, we'll take someone who graduated with a bachelor's degree with low academic marks in a relevant field, and zero to two years of relevant industry experience.
Alternately, we are willing to settle for a candidate who graduated with a bachelor's degree with
any sort of marks in
any field, and zero to one years of relevant industry experience.
If you do not meet those qualifications, we'll hire anyone who has completed some
college and maybe done an
internship in this or a related industry.
Or, has a
high school diploma and has heard of our
industry.
Or, has a
GED and has heard of "industry."
Or some
book-learnin', as long as they haven't been to
prison.
If you do not meet those qualifications, we are willing to accept a candidate who
has been to prison, provided they haven't been to prison for a very, very long time.
Or a candidate who's been to prison for a very, very long time, so long as they've found
God and they're really
sorry for what they did.
Or if they've not found God, so long as they've got some sort of religious or secular
ethos, and feel a
tinge of
remorse about what they did.
Or, if they've got no ethos and are not at all sorry for what they did, so long as they
promise not to
steal from the
office.
If you do not meet those qualifications, we are willing to accept a candidate who promises to limit his stealing to less expensive office supplies and petty cash.
Or, a candidate who will steal us dry so long as they are a living breathing
homo sapian.
Alternately, we will accept a candidate who is a very recently
deceased homo sapian, or a well-trained
chimpanzee.
Or, any human
corpse. Or a an untrained, totally
psychotic chimpanzee.
Or just a human
skull, or any living
animal.
Or a
plant, if it is relatively low
maintenance.
----
-----
------
ATTENTION: This position has been filled by a
patch of
moss. Thank you for your interest.