You know you were scared the first time you swallowed gum. Word on the street...make that the playground...was that once you swallowed it the sticky immortal substance would stay in your stomach for seven whole years. You were concerned that they'd have to operate to get the stuff out.
There were signs that this was true. Everywhere you went you could find a spot on the concrete where someone from the stone age dropped some gum, only to have billions of people stomping on it through the decades to leave nothing but a still-visible spot. Then there was the gum graveyard underneath every desk at school. You could swear there was gum left over from Benjamin Franklin as a lad still standing tall under the tabletop, ready for some poor bloke to bash his kneecap into it on occasion.
Of course, now that you're older, you know this wasn't the case. While it's true that the gum cannot be digested, it just uses the normal body methods to get moved to the colon to be expelled. The tough thing is to learn not to blow a giant sticky bubble when you're doing number two in the bathroom. Cleaning gum residue off of butt hairs can be a lengthy process, after all.
Iron Noder 2017