Not a week past I began receiving the strangest and most intriguing correspondence concerning an alleged "WILL" left by an old rival. Little did I suspect the true nature of the attorney!
"Good Day,
My name is Barrister Richard B.Wells. I was the attorney to Late Engineer Barry Whyte and I hereby attempt to reach you again by this same email address stated on the WILL as my previous notification to you was returned undelivered. I wish to notify you that late Engr.Barry Whyte made you a beneficiary to his WILL. He left the sum of three hundred and sixty thousand Great Britain Pounds (GBP£360,000.00) to you in the codicil to his last will and testament."
Dear Sir or Madam,
I have received your delightfully hope-inducing (much as drinking congealed peyote induces vomit) missive and I must say, after a quick google informing me that the offered sum is 877,894.0422 in US dollars, I became most eager to receive said funds. Please deposit them, in an unmarked envelope, in the mailbox of #17 Cherry Tree Lane, London at precisely 3 AM, Alaskan time. I am sorry to request the funds in such an unusual manner but I do not wish to closely associate even with the attorney of Mr. Barry Whyte for he was a reprobate and miser.
Yours Insofar as Giving Me Money is Concerned,
Richard S. Wells
"Good Day,
I acknowledge the receipt of your email. I want to let you know that Late Engineer Barry Whyte would not have willed the fund to you, if he does not know you. So you do not need to be under any illusion regarding the execution of this bequest .
Being a widely traveled man, Late Engineer Barry Whyte must have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were recommended to him by one of his numerous friends abroad who wished you good. I can imagine that the Late Engineer Barry Whyte must have known that you will put the fund to good use for the less privileged of which he was aware that you can achieve, that is why he selected you.
Frankly speaking, I want you to know you have absolute right to reject this WILL as much as you have the right to accept it as well. If you wish to turn it down then let me know so I can send you a WILL rejection form to fill and revert back to this office. I know you will like to know why he chooses you but these are answers I cannot help you with. At this time, i can only carry out my duties as directed by my client, I will suggest you think this through and let me know what you want to do. Sincerely speaking, you do not need to be worried about anything regarding this bequest as the process is legitimate and transparency in nature.
To enable me complete the process of releasing the three hundred and sixty thousand Great Britain pounds (GBP£360,000.00) to you, by virtue being the beneficiary as instructed by the late Engineer Barry Whyte in codicil to his last Will and Testament. You are required to provide me with the below information for verification purpose. The required info is given below:
FULL NAME:………………………………. ……………………………………………………...
HOME ADDRESS:……………………………………………………………………………….....
OFFICE ADDRESS:………………………………………………………………….........................
MOBILE TEL:…………………………………….HOME TEL:…………………….........................
OCCUPATION:……………………………………………………………………….......................
COUNTRY:……………………CITY:…………………….STATE:………………..........................
DATE OF BIRTH:………………………………NATIONALITY……………………………….....
MARITAL STATUS:……………………………SEX:……………………………………...............
Finally, I am a well dedicated catholic and I can not indulge myself into any fraudulent activities for any reasons whatsoever. You have to trust me in the execution of this bequest and by the special grace and the guidance of the almighty God, this transaction will be completed successfully look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible.
Best Regards,
Barrister Richard Wells"
Good Evening,
I sincerely doubt that Mr. Barry Whyte would have selected me for the purpose of putting his funds to any use, good or otherwise, for the following reasons: 1) he himself might have donated directly, if that were his wish; and, 2) Mr. Barry Whyte did not wish me good in any respect; I can only imagine that this WILL is tinged with anthrax or somesuch. I would advise you to take care in handling it, considering the ill WILL between the thankfully late Mr. Whyte and myself.
Indeed I would like to know why he chooses me but I imagine that question shall remain unresolved until I meet him in the afterlife and he stabs me with an otherwordly pen knife (which, I add, happened in this life as well at an otherwise distinguished dinner party). Nevertheless, I, as he surely anticipated, cannot resist both the mystery and money of the situation. I congratulate you on your religion but mine is of the more temporal and supportive persuasion; in accordance with such, the requested information:
FULL NAME:...Richard S. Wells
HOME ADDRESS: #17 Cherry Tree Lane, London, England
OFFICE ADDRESS: N/A
HOME TEL: 447045711523
OCCUPATION: Beneficiary
COUNTRY: England
CITY: London
STATE: Eager anticipation
DATE OF BIRTH: Rather not say
NATIONALITY: American
MARITAL STATUS: Single
SEX: M
Best Regard that WILL with Suspicion,
Richard S. Wells
"Dear Richard,
It was my pleasure receiving your personal information. I wish to inform you that we are at the next level of releasing your fund to you. Like I told you before, you don’t need to be skeptical about this transaction as it is legitimate and the execution process is transparency in nature. Please note that you have absolute right to reject this inheritance at any point in time.
In other to finally expedite the release of your fund, you are advise to contact the deposit bank directly with the below contact information for the released of your fund to you. Your fund will be released to you in your own desirable means and you are to quote the depositor code of your fund to the bank on your email to them. Below are the contact details...
...Please note that, all the bank charges will be automatically deducted from your principal inheritance fund. Finally, find an attached a scan copy of my Identification card for your perusal.
God Bless,
Barrister Richard Wells"
Dear Barrister Richie,
Do forgive the term of familiarity, but I so love a good "Richie". Did you know, I had a sister once who was rather "transparency in nature" herself so I understand completely. However, to my dismay, I also do not wish to correspond directly with any bank associated with the late old sot, so please, as directed before, be so kind as to deposit the funds in an unmarked envelope in the mailbox of #17 Cherry Tree Lane, London. That is all.
I Told You I'm an Atheist,
Richard S. Wells
PS Thank you for the identification card; it was precisely the sort of example I have been looking for to show my nephew the wrong way to create a fake ID.
~
The good barrister ceased correspondence after this final response, and the referenced funds were never deposited as requested. After doing some research into Barrister Richard B. Wells and the numbers and bank information he had given, I came to the startling conclusion that the entire thing had been a scam (this explains the fake ID).
Presumably he intended to acquire my bank account number so that he could pilfer my painstakingly-saved $17.06 and carelessly hurl the entire fortune into the gaping voids of stocks or horse racing. If not for my intense hatred of the late Barry Whyte (how did he know?) I may well have been bamboozled. Let this be a lesson to all internet-goers: never accept a WILL from a Wells.