I dont really know how I should start,perhaps by giving a short description of my love-life? well,I've had 1 girlfriend at the age of 13 for 3 months, nothing really serious and then, at 15 I met a german girl on msn and we decided to "get together"(I live in Canada, she lives in Germany), we had never met before but we met last summer, I was 17 years old, we really loved one each other but I just couldn't stand the distance anymore, I finally broke up after 1 year and a half of relationship.
I have never been the kind of guy who managed to get a girl to his knees, it actually never happened, I'm just the average guy, you know the one that nobody notices? It actually really affects me, you know when you feel like everybody ignores you? When it happens too often, you just get to feel like you're worthless and that nobody likes you...(that's how I feel at least).
Well, it happened maybe 2-3 weeks ago, I was in the escalator and there was that girl from my german class, a very quiet kind of girl but how pretty she is! I was just behind her and...what did I do to engage the conversation? I poked her on the shoulder, haha, I asked her if we had a homework in german. We sticked together pretty often, I saw her 4 times a week because she was in many of my courses, so we got to know one each other more and more and one day, I asked her if she had a boyfriend. She was very confused, she really didnt know what to answer, she finally said that she knew a guy with whom she saw herself in the future, the near-future but that she was still unsure. It meant that she was still opened to me. Which was true! So i asked her if she'd like to go skiing with me, she said yes.
That Wednesday, we went at her appartment to get her stuff and while we were in the bus, she felt a bit sleepy so I told her: you can put your head on my shoulder if you want. So did she, I felt so happy, I knew that it meant that she kinda liked me. Then, we got to my home, got prepared and everything, nothing special happened in the meantime. While on our way to Bromont, she, again, put her head on my shoulder and guess what....I grabbed her hand! I was extremely glad, I hadnt felt the touch of a woman in ages! We did the same when we came back from the mountain. She ate supper at my home and we went downstairs a bit after. We had a tickle war and then we went upstairs in my bedroom. we kissed, we kissed a lot! I finally accompanied her back to her appartment and we spent so much time kissing that I missed my bus and I had to sleep at her apt....how sad...
Nothing happened during the night because she had a small bed and I didnt want to impose myself. To make it short: I spent the whole day with her and we had sex together. Well, I thought that was it! She was mine! Haha,how foolish from me, she wasnt! The day after, she told me that she was with that other guy...I was so mad, so disappointed, I couldnt concentrate on anything for the next 3 days. At work, I just kept smashing boxes with metal bars. And then, we met again during the week and we spent a lot of time together. On the next Wednesday, I told her how i really felt about her, in other words, I told her that I loved her. She didnt exactly know how to take it, she sure was surprised though, she was incredibly cute to see when I told her...but it still didnt do it. She told me she wanted to wait to see how things would evolve between her and her b-f to make a clear decision about me and her. I asked her yesterday what was going on and well, she is officialy closed by now...
I feel pretty bad now, I mean, she was the first girl to have a slight interest in me for like 5 years (I dont count the german girl as a "normal relationship",she probably would have never been my girlfriend if we had met in real life), I had so much hope in her, I really wanted to be her boyfriend. You know, I almost even cried,which almost never happens.