An Open Letter To The One I Have Wronged
Liz, I don't know if you'll ever read this, or if you'll realize it was addressed to you. I can only write this hoping that it will
help others who might make mistakes like mine.
Almost
four years ago, we met in a
driver education classroom. We were the only two
students learning stick shift driving, everyone was was learning
automatic. I found you
attractive, you found me attractive, and we slowly began to
flirt during the week long course. We exchanged contact information and left, at the end of
our time there.
In short order, you called and asked if I wanted to go to a
fair with you, and I agreed. I really didn't care about the fair, but it was fun to be with
you. We kissed at the top of the
ferris wheel for the first time,
for both of us. It was
awkward, teeth banging together a bit, but certainly an
enjoyable new experience for us. We continued this all of the way home while your
mother drove. I was paranoid about the fact that she might realize what was
happening behing her, but then realized she knew and didn't care.
In the following month, I visited you at your
home several times, we snuck off into the
woods and continued kissing. However, the whole time in the back of my head, a
little voice was screaming that this was
too good to be true. I couldn't possibly
deserve someone like you, and that this shouldn't continue. A short while later, you
injured your ankle playing
basketball. You called me, we talked, and I proceeded to say stupid things, including refusing to come to your school's
homecoming dance.
Truthfully, I was
scared shitless. I didn't know what was happening, I was probably too
immature to be in a relationship at all, despite being
16. I bullshitted
explanation after explanation regarding why I couldn't go, and I know I
wounded you deeply. You wanted
support,
someone to lean on, as you had just injured yourself off a
sports team you cared about, and you wanted me to go with you to a dance, to have fun and meet your
friends. Instead, I threw it all away. I proceeded to childishly
run away from you, and haven't contacted you since then.
I want to
apologize, however late it is, for all that I've done. Though I did not deserve you, that didn't stop you from
wanting to be with me. I proved myself right, such as it was, by throwing you away, something I
regret to this day. I hope you can find it in your
heart to
forgive me. If you never want to speak to me again, I can
understand, but I at least want you to read this
apology. I'm so very sorry for hurting you.
This was originally a node of it's own, but I was informed it should be a daylog