"We are tubes--hollow cylinders of
flesh. What is our expectation from life? Regular fulfillment of primitive functions at both ends, coupled with the thought that we must leave at least something behind us, very much in the same way that a dog pisses against a tree."
--
Graham Chapman in
A Liar's Autobiography, Volume VI
A Liar's Autobiography is the late Graham Chapman's autobiography. Its actual full name is
A Liar's Autobiography, Volume VI but almost no one calls it that. The volume part is a bit of an obscure joke that almost no one who reads it notices. The dust jacket refers to it as Volume VI but the inside cover refers to it as Volume VII. See, it's all a lie. It was first published in 1981 and seems to drift in and out of print. As of this writing it is currently back in print, reissued in 1999 to mark ten years without Chapman (he died in 1989). Curiously, Chapman's died on the 20th anniversary of
Monty Python. So forever more Python will be sharing an anniversary with Chapman's death.
Eric Idle called Chapman's death "brilliant timing."
Okay, so at this point., let me make this clear:
If you love Python and Chapman, run and gets this book now before it goes back out of print, yah cock-knocker!
A Liar's Autobiography is a multifaceted book. At times it's a serious history of the birth of Python, the making of the show, and the show's prehistory. At other times, Chapman writes little stories about a character named
Biggles or claims he invented elementary physics particles things like the
gluon.
It deals with Chapman's struggle to come to terms with his crippling
alcoholism (which he finally mastered and went on to perform the role of his life time in
Life of Brian) and his
homosexuality. Although Chapman generally identified himself as a homosexual, he sometimes had naughty sex with female groupies. At some point he was visited by a
thug sent by a
gangster who thought Chapman was poking his wife. The thug's job was to discourage Chapman from seeing the woman again by clarifying for Chapman what a life without legs would be like. Chapman explained to the thug that he was in fact a notoriously out homosexual and therefore it was utterly impossible that he could be sleeping with a man's wife. The thug tapped his nose and said "I'm a homosexual too and we both know that's not entirely true."
Before Chapman actually came out, many fans of
Python had heard one of the cast members was actually a
gay homosexual! Gasp! An irate viewer wrote a letter to the cast telling them she heard one of them was a fully gay homosexual and the notion sickened her. Eric Idle wrote her a reply saying they got the
cast together, figured out which one was a homosexual, and took him outside and killed him.
Although Chapman's sexuality was well known, his autobiography reveals many of the things in his life that were overshadow by the homosexuality, things that made Chapman a far more interesting and complex person. For example, the book chronicles Chapman's medical education. Few realize that Chapman was a medical
doctor who never really practiced medicine, having achieved a lot of early success with
John Cleese during their Cambridge days as comedy actors in a troop called the
Cambridge Footlights.
The chapters and passages devoted to his medical training are some of the most hilarious. When he started studying medicine, the first
anatomy class he took where they had to work with
cadavers they were given a very long lecture about how they were to show these human bodies the utmost respect. However, after a couple classes people were treating the body parts like sports equipment and
trading cards ("I need a leg. I'll give you two arms for your leg.") Chapman himself tended to use a corpse's open mouth for an ashtray for his
pipe.
He occasionally used his medical training during the filming of Python and the movies. Occasionally when they were on location and someone got sick and there was no easy access to a doctor, Chapman would step in. His autobiography relates one hilarious occasion when a stage hand got sick and Chapman went to the "
Chemist" (
druggist? oh those Brits and their charming little words for
pharmacy!). He needed to get some prescription meds. Not a problem for a licensed
physician. However, Chapman didn't have time to change out of his costume. He was still dressed as an old lady. It took some convincing that he was indeed a licensed physician and not some nut in
drag.
Chapman's autobiography also has an interesting passage where the Python cast actually tried to brain storm a name for the show. Although they eventually settled on
Monty Python's Flying Circus, Chapman was partial to "
Owl Stretching Time".
The book ends in 1980. The book was first published when Chapman was among us and long before Chapman was diagnosed with
cancer (diagnosed with
throat cancer in 1988 after he went to see a doctor about some growths on his
tonsils). The re-released version includes an epilogue written by Eric Idle.