No sign yet of flying horse guy today. I wonder if we are at a high enough altitude for him to find us. The Alps are a very hilly region (something to make note of in your little notebook of new learnings from everything2 website you are required to have as part of site TOS).

Hi, friend Behr here. Also known as Itzak Berky (birth name) and Berhardt Goats (adoptive name) and The Bear of Berlin (name I use that inspires fear in commies and liberals). You are friend to Behr. Welcome, friend. I have no qualms about torturing and killing "friends" if they disappoint me or if I get an idea in my head that I might use their body for experimentation or to use as livestock feed. Human-based livestock feed sells for a very good price. I am one of few vendors who offered dependable, regular service.

Most of you are no better than livestock food anyway with what little you've accomplished in your sorry lives. If I were in your house right now I'd rub my balls on your family photos and make no effort to hide that I was doing that. So you know.

And as my friend you are required to accept that because I guarantee I have greater financial holdings than you even if they are tied up by the FBI and now apparently the CIA as well - Chopper clued me in during "pillow talk" hour this morning. It was satisfying and very supportive the way we did it this morning. So warm. So caring. So manly. So straight at its core despite appearances. We have been through government caused trauma recently, both of us having been wrongly scooped up by the FBI for maintaining a mass grave on the property I took forcibly from my neighbors through the manifest destiny clause of the US Constitution (know your history - improve your property rights - that is what my friend Seymour at the bank used to tell me).

During "pillow talk," Chopper and I discussed how we could improve the fortunes of America by making a clone of idealized human being Mike Pence and to replace each and every American citizen with a Mike Pence clone, thus making the world a better place. We have drawn up blueprints in the drawing room of the lunatic Dreyfuss' castle, but Chopper has suggested going to another place nearby, higher up in the mountains. It isn't a castle, but a 1969 era exclusive health spa run by someone named Blofeld. Chopper thinks he can be convinced to allow us to use his radio equipment and high location to signal to the flying horse guy.

So, that is where things stand at the moment. Keep your fingers crossed or Mike Pence clones will be replacing each member of your family very slowly and methodically (yet appearing to be random in nature in order to confuse you) until you come to accept this is the best way forward for America. You know it is. President Trump can rule and everyone else will be like that except you who will have conflicting thoughts most of the time for the rest of your life, especially during your own family's version of "pillow talk."

Something to potentially look forward to. I want you to look forward to it. I want you to think about this when you are in the bathroom crying about a mistake you made (or will make because someone as awful as you is bound to make a BIG mistake reall soon and you know it - your life is unsustainable you cuck).

The lunatic Dreyfuss is serving a big meal tonight. He has associates coming in from Sicily later. We haven't raised the issue of leaving yet. He seems to want us to stay. His face contorts in disturbing ways when we talk about leaving in any way, even to go to the bathroom.

One thing I like to think about in the tub is forcing people no one likes to take a bath and then holding them under the water while they falsely believe you are trying to wash their hair. When I've done this in the past I can't tell you what a stress-relieving activity it is to hold that person under the water as they struggle and then let loose their last gasp and die. You ended a less important life and you become stronger by absorbing their soul when you do it (through a non-scientific process known as "soul stealing through the enjoyable act of violent murder." It is a skill you must practice to perfect much like the violin and gardening. Start with a neighbor who lives a high risk lifestyle so that when you do things to him en route to ending his or her life there are other parties to blame and you can do a shrug and a grin (like I do) and say, "Huh. I dunno what happened." Good stuff. Honest, real, gritty stuff. Good stuff.

The lunatic Dreyfuss informed us that he put a call through to Mr. Blofeld and he will be sending a helicopter for us since he approves of our mission and wants to form an alliance between himself and the Fuhrer, if I can become one with the Fuhrer, cause you to repeatedly wake up with him in your bed without any control over it whatsoever until he's had enough, and we can form meaningful alliances to fight against the dark powers that oppose us.

Things are really coming together now.

My friends.

I've been pretty busy trying to get the backyard in order.
I built a couple of small fences, and still have some more to go (including a 50m back fence).

I can spend 10hours in the back yard and still feel like I've been lazy at the end of the day, there's just so much to do! I'm getting there though.

Wifey had an ultrasound (which my mum objects to, she's adamant it's not good for the baby). I'm against ultrasound as well, so hopefully we can skip the 20week one.


We've got a couple of hippy names picked out, but we'll wait and see, she could end up looking like a Barbara.

A few days ago, I went to work and wifey messaged me asking if I moved my motorbike; I did not. Bike was parked in a carport that's next to the garage. Someone got into the garage, took my helmet and gloves, pushed the motorbike up the driveway and realised they couldn't get it past the locked gate AND a parked car, they left the bike, put the gloves and helmet back in the garage and pinched my $180 hatchet. I later found the sheath for it under the stairs.

I reported it to the police and an officer came around, had a look, and told me to lock up my bike and move to a different suburb.

I haven't been sleeping well since then.

Rebuilding the back fence is now top priority, but I've never built a proper fence (I've been using existing posts or star pickets for the small fences). I've got another small fence to build, so I'll do it properly, with concreted posts and all, so if that works out, I'll start on the back fence soon after.

Non-stop fun, I'm tired today.
v Be good.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.