I am looking for a brand new start
__-Throw out all these dead ornaments-__
Forget what has already been lost
don't forget the stories, don't forget the feelings,
just forget the desperation, the guilt, the cost

I am looking for a brand new start
For more empty ledgers to love and to lose
more spirituality to sew and to nourish
with no children to inherit that tumble of my soul, instead
a deep and empty garden bed upon which I can flourish

I am looking for a brand new start
but the beast within cannot be slain but only starved
and even then its spirit will not die but merely change
into something meek and unsuspicious until
___________-it finally feeds again-___________
and again becomes the beast, at last accepting its own name

I am looking for a brand new start
The wolf calls from a distance but the wolf is not me
The ocean beckons from a distance but the ocean is not home
the spirits do not call nor reach out to me, but rather
________-they give themselves like stories-________
I feel the cold cloak of the dead on my shoulders but I am not alone

I am here

and I am serene and dangerous
no longer afraid to be loved and hated
but only afraid of the self
Afraid of the self to whom I have surrendered
in search of a brand new start