Normally I pride myself on my "neutral" Canadian accent, with its civilized, rounded vowels. But something about this, one of my very favourite insults in all the world, calls for the sharp, twangy A's of the American Midwest. Asshat. It's a sublime little spondee; the word creates a snarl (or is that a smirk?) even as it is spoken.

I think one of the things that makes asshat so delightful is its stubborn resistance to any sort of visualization. Now it might be possible to imagine wearing an asshat. In fact, you wouldn't be the first to imagine such a thing: a player may do precisely that in the online role-playing game called Kingdom of Loathing, which is famous for its crude line drawings and execrable puns. The adventurer that you is can collect two separate items called "Bum Cheeks" -- also known as (wait for it) "half asses" -- and, after an application of meat paste, you can create an Asshat. It's a piece of armour, not that you'd guess it from the artwork (which is basically two adjacent circles whose join doesn't go up all the way).

But what does it mean to be an asshat? Do you ride around on other people's heads? Do they hang you on asshatstands? Do they visit asshaberdashers to have you replaced?

The first time I heard this word, it was framed within a proverb: "The Internet," a sage of my acquaintance quipped, "is where people stay up until two a.m. just so that they can call other people asshats." Indeed.

solaraddict, whose understanding of anatomy far exceeds my own, informs me that an asshat is one whose head is planted so far up one's butt that one is basically wearing it as a hat. Brilliant! There is something faintly metonymic about it, like calling a businessman a suit.

fidomaster writes, "Kind noder, you have not lived until you have uttered the word in the robust, sneering vowels of the Long Island accent. This is a pleasure like no other."