1. Realize it's just pieces of paper and buy a gift for someone else for no good reason.
2. Dip pretzels in chocolate frosting.
3. Play fetch with my cat.
4. Make food for my co-workers because they're always so gosh darn appreciative.
5. Take a hot bath with a good book.
6. Regress. That's why I have Play-Doh and Legos. And crayons.
7. Practice escapism with a good kung-fu movie. Pretend like I could do that stuff, too.
8. Actually reveal to friends that I have had a shitty day. Be surprised at the support I receive.
9. Realize it's just pieces of paper and go buy something for myself.
10. Get over it. Go to bed. Check my horoscope before coming out from under the covers tomorrow. Just to be safe.

I'll tell you how #5 was in about an hour.

These are some things that work for me, but then again, I am not normal.

• Feed ducks. These feathery chow hounds will listen to all types of whining until the food supply runs out.
• Have squirt gun battles around the neighborhood with some friends.
• Go to the local grocery store's produce section. Audibly hold a pretend conversation on the handy-dandy banana phone. When another shopper comes near hand him/her the banana and say something like "He wants to talk to you now."
• Find a not-too-inhabited playground with sturdy equipment and run amok like a little kid.
• Call a friend or loved one with whom there's been little contact for a while.
• Two words: bunny slippers.

• Practice some sort of yogic exercise like pranayama ("For mind and body alike there is no purgative like Pranayama, no purgative like Pranayama. For mind, for body, for mind and body alike - alike! - there is no purgative, no purgative like Pranayama - Pranayama! - Pranayama!" -- Aleister Crowley)
• Let it all roll off your back, go for a fucking walk or something, geez.
• Pointedly rent a comedic video.
• Acquire and imbibe some cannabis, just a wee bit, in combination with many of the above.
• Go to sleep, have a lie down, or engage in some sort of escapist visualisation.
• Embrace pantheism, and let Universe embrace you.
• Stand ankle-deep in a large body of water, where available.
• Engage yourself in an activity you are wizardly competent at, like tossing a coin and confidently predicting "This one's going to come up either heads or tails..." (or with dice "This one will be an integer...")
• Let some loud and intense audio cleanse you. Apologise to the neighbours later, some things just have to be done.
• Fork over the clams for a massage.
• Island, by Aldous Huxley:
  "Here and now, boys"
  "Attention. Attention" (Attention to attention).
  "Karuna" (compassion)
• Beethoven's Symphony Number 6, "The Pastoral Symphony", within or without Fantasia.
• Remember being in love, or a kid, or carefree, rich, caffineated, loved, alive, or just fall back to that serene drunken awareness of bliss and your own divinity that we keep forgetting.
• Chocolate.
• Feed your brain some Henry Miller
• Get some hug action.
• Take one Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram and ICQ me in the morning.

Regression:

• Color a children's coloring book. Note: Coloring placemats meant for small children at restaurants in full view of adults gets you bonus points.
• Build a fort out of all the cushions in your home.
• Stomp in mud puddles.
• Play in the rain.
• Nobody can resist smiling while on a trampoline singing.

Agression:

• Scream. Loudly. If you're the shy type, or have roomies try the optional scream-into-a-pillow.
• Buy one of the blow up clowns with the weight in the bottom. Proceed to beat the living snot out of him.
• Break anything that sounds loud and expensive, but is actually quite inexpensive. Plastic works good for this. ie. CD cases